


Don't make me get my main!

by Useful_Oxymoron



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Dark Hermione Granger, F/F, First Impressions, Frustration, Humor, PVP, World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:08:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26731159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Useful_Oxymoron/pseuds/Useful_Oxymoron
Summary: Hermione Grangers wants nothing more than to spend a quiet evening questing in World of Warcraft after a long day at work. Unfortunately, some annoying high level player keeps killing her and camping her corpse. What's a girl to do?One-shot based on this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR7FC-h0Fb8
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Bellatrix Black Lestrange
Comments: 36
Kudos: 180





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AliasGlasses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliasGlasses/gifts).



Hermione Granger worked hard and played hard.

During the day, Hermione was a junior executive navigating the cutthroat world of office life. During the evenings, she was a PvP sensation working her way up the rankings by slaughtering players with her carefully crafted min-maxed gear-set with all the right enchants, gems. A gear-set that was ever increasing in power with every new piece gained.

She was ambitious in game as she was in life.

That’s what made today’s situation extra frustrating. Her work had been rather hectic today and she didn’t feel like expending extra energy on the PvP rankings at the moment. Today, Hermione’s plan was to take her low-level hunter through some nice relaxing questing through Stranglethorn Vale for an evening.

If only things were so simple.

Hermione first spotted her in the distance. It was a level 80 blood elf paladin, hanging around the Gurubashi arena. That in itself wasn’t strange as PvP events of all levels were often held there, but she started spotting the paladin more and more.

And then she got hit with said paladin’s Hammer of Wrath. Right in the head. With that amount of level disparity, Hermione’s little hunter was instantly killed and fell to the ground. Hermione let out a sight and prepared herself for a corpse run. The world turned ashen grey and Hermione spent a half a minute running from the graveyard back to her corpse, pressing the resurrect button the moment it appeared.

The world turned back to colour. And the moment it did, the hammer hit her. Again.

Hermione closed her eyes and sighed through her nose.

Right, the paladin had had her fun, right? Time for another corpse run.

Resurrect.

Hammer.

Dead.

Corpse run.

Okay, this was getting intolerable. When she came back, she saw that the elf was sitting right next to her corpse, having started a literal campfire. Hermione clicked resurrect and… nothing.

Good, good. The paladin had lost interest. Hermione decided to go on her merry way and spotted the tiger she needed to kill as a quest objective. She was about to fire her gun when a hammer of pure light once again hit her over the head.

“OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” Hermione exclaimed, slamming both her fists on her desk which caused her pot of tea to be knocked over the floor. Thankfully, there hadn’t been too much tea in it at the time.

Resurrect.

Hammer.

Dead.

Mocking laughter emote.

Corpse run.

Resurrect.

Hammer.

Dead.

Mocking laughter emote.

Corpse run.

This was getting intolerable. She noticed the elf was guilded. ‘Death Eaters’, the guild was named. She’d seen that name before, in battlegrounds and arenas. She’d faced off defeated many them plenty of times before on her main. Good players, certainly, but this behaviour of picking on lower-level players was just appalling and outrageous. Where was the honour in this? Where was the pride of defeating an opponent of equal level?

Naturally, Hermione wasn’t budging an inch. Of course, Hermione _could_ simply resurrect at the graveyard and eat the resurrection sickness. She _could_ simply log into another character. Hell, she _could_ even just log out entirely to play a different game. But that would be giving in. That would be giving up.

However, she reached her breaking point when she returned to her corpse and found the elf paladin doing repeated taco touchdowns on her head.

She grit her teeth, her blood boiling now. Immediately, she logged off to make a level 1 character horde-side. She waited for a moment for her orc to spawn in Durotar. Immediately, she ignored the inane chatter from the starting zone and started typing.

“To [BellaKedavra]: What the fuck are you doing? Do you get some sort of perverse pleasure from annoying low-level players? What are you even doing there?! Level 80 like you beating down a defenceless level 40! Does it make you feel like a big man? Because I bet you’re man! Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! I’ve been working my arse off today and I want to do is relax a little! And then you fuck it all up with your antics! Don’t you have anything better to do?! I swear, don’t make me get main! You wouldn’t like it! Now bugger off and leave me to my questing!”

There. Hermione felt quite satisfied after having said her peace. She was about to log back to her hunter when a reply came in chat, almost buried in between the trolls, gold beggars and gold sellers.

“[BellaKedavra]: lol get good scrub”

Instantly, Hermione was enraged again and started typing away again.

“To [BellaKedavra]: I see you’re guilded. Maybe I should tell your GM about your appalling behaviour giving your guild a bad name!”

The reply came only a second later.

“[BellaKedavra]:…

[BellaKedavra]: good luck with that”

Oh, that was it. THAT WAS IT! Hermione logged out almost so hard that she broke her mouse. At the log-in screen, she went to her main. GrangerDanger, a human Death Knight decked out with only the best PvP gear, ready to go. After logging in, her Death Knight emerged near Wintergrasp, ready to join the world zone if needed. The Vault of Archavon wasn’t her goal, however, as she mounted up and made her way to to Borean Tundra to grab the zeppelin to Orgrimmar, seething all the way there.

Her anger hadn’t subsided yet when taking the flight path to Ratchet to take the boat to Stranglethorn Vale. A grin crossed her features when she raced through the zone and spotted the paladin still camping her corpse: she wouldn’t know what hit her.

First blood went to GrangerDanger, spreading vile diseases to the undoubtedly startled paladin. She landed her Death Strikes, healing herself up from the paladin’s feeble attacks and had her down to about 30% of her health while she was at full. It was already over.

Until she suddenly found herself stunned. A second player, an undead rogue, emerged from the shadows. Hermione had lost quite a bit of health by the time she had broken through the stun, but gained it back from more Death Strikes. Hermione grit her teeth and worked to keep her runic power up while BellaKedavra and the rogue named DeadDolohov now ganged up on her. Dividing her attention and sweeping strikes between the two, she manoeuvred her character to avoid the rogue’s backstabs while trying her best to interrupt the paladin’s heals.

Sweat formed on her brow as health-bars, both hers and her enemies, went lower and lower. The rogue went down first and then it was between GrangerDanger and BellaKedavra. Both were low, both were desperate. Both were down to a sliver of their health.

And then it was over. GrangerDanger went down while BellaKedavra had only a sliver of health left.

“Fuck,” Hermione muttered, expecting that mocking laughter emote again. It never came. Instead, the elf paladin waited for her guildmate to return, both simply mounted and ran off.

Well. At least they would leave her in peace.

Hermione, more relaxed now, logged back to her hunter, went in to repair her gear and then went off to hunt tigers again. Scant ten minutes later, a whisper appeared, apparently from a level 1 character freshly made.

“[Heyurgood]: that was impressive

[Heyurgood]: hey noticed you have no guild. go horde. transfer or new toon or whatever. join death eaters.

[Heyurgood]: whisper RiddlerTom. tell him I sent you. he’s always looking for good players.

[Heyurgood]: we will do great things together you and I. ;)”

Hermione paused. It was true, Hermione was unguilded. Ironically enough, she played World of Warcraft to get away from people and social interaction. Still, there was something about this offer that was rather appealing. And faction changes _were_ discounted this month.

“Alright, BellaKedavra,” Hermione muttered to herself. “Let’s see where this leads.”


	2. Guild trial

If Hermione had to be honest, the Death Eaters guild was a good environment for her. Induction into the Death Eaters was on invitation only with at least one long-standing member vouching for you. For Hermione, who had been in plenty of cesspool and/or drama-riddled guilds before while looking for a permanent home, this was pretty much ideal. She’d already paid to have all her many, many characters faction changed. 

The guild was organized, professional, anti-timewaster and no-nonsense. This was almost entirely because of Tom, the guild leader. A strict, but honest man who was always upfront with his intentions. He was the kind of guild leader who demanded and expected a lot from his players, but offered great rewards in return. In fact, he had said as much when Bella had introduced her to him and had given her trial-status. 

Tom was raid leader and battle-ground leader. When Tom spoke, all the joyous banter ceased. When Tom spoke everyone listened. 

And so found Hermione found herself to be a trialist raider… on Icecrown Citadel 10-man heroic. Lich-King fight. Quite daunting, to be honest. Seeing as melee wasn’t needed for the raid, Hermione picked one of her many characters to fill the role as healer. Her most decently geared character was her little holy priest. 

And good god, was this fight giving her a good work-out. The lich-king itself, as well as the many adds, all hit like a ten-ton trucker and, being assigned as the raid-healer, Hermione did her utmost to frantically keep up with the falling health bars. Then there was other things to look out for: shadow-traps in phase 1 which would punt players off the platform mercilessly… effectively a wipe as that would leave you with one less player for the rest of the fight. Soul Reapers on Phase 2 did double damage and the valkyrs cast life siphon on the entire raid. But the Death Eaters were a guild of excellent players, got phases 1 and 2 down pat with seamless transitions. Phase 3, however, was going the group some trouble: with the entire raid being drawn into Frostmourne and 10 people being soul-harvested while trying to avoid dropping soul bombs, it was taking the group some effort to deal with. 

Then, it happened. BellaKedavra, the warrior main tank, went down. 

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE, LUCIUS!” sounded the shrieking voice of the woman known as Bellatrix over teamspeak. Hermione cringed at the sheer amount of decibels her lung-capacity could muster. 

A heavy sigh sounded over teamspeak. “Combat res?” asked Tom. 

“Already used it on Malfoy in back in phase 1, remember?” replied the weary voice of Corban Yaxley, the dour shaman of the group. 

Another heavy sigh. “Wipe it,” sounded Tom. 

Hermione nodded. It was a good effort and she could tell it would only be a matter of time before they’d get it. Bella came over the comms again, still seething but no longer screaming at least. “The only reason you’re in this fucking guild at all is because you’re married to my sister!” Bellatrix hissed. “Learn to heal, for fuck’s sake! Too busy stroking your peacock to pay attention to my health bar?!” 

“Quiet down, Bella,” Tom demanded. To Hermione’s surprised, Bellatrix immediately did so. “Lucius, we need to have a serious talk about your performance tonight.” 

It was quiet for a moment, until a voice sounded. “T-t-tom?” he stammered. 

“T-t-tom?” Tom mocked. “Honestly, there was only one person who stood in the shadow traps tonight and it was you. There was only one person who stood in the defile tonight and it was you! Miss Granger here is a trial and has double your HPS while not even being geared up to your level! I suggest you get your act together or we’ll be seriously considering your future in this guild!” 

“Y-yes, Tom,” stammered Lucius. 

Hermione did feel for the man, truly. But, the honest truth was that, as a player, Lucius was well shit. After being the direct cause of four wipes, him being chewed out was quite deserved. 

“As for your, miss Granger, you have passed your trial with flying colors. Welcome to the Death Eaters. Properly this time,” said Tom. 

“YAY!” sounded from Bellatrix over the comms. 

“Thank you,” said Hermione, finding herself smiling. 

“We have thrown you to the proverbial wolves and you’ve handled yourself extremely well,” said Tom. “We have ICC heroic on farm for the most part so I’ll expect you to be properly geared up soon. Reminder that attendance is mandatory unless benched, of course.” 

“I’ll be there,” Hermione said. 

“Good,” said Tom. “Good effort everyone. Solid attempt for the most part. Tomorrow-night are the planned pre-made Battleground runs. I expect to see you all here tomorrow, including you, miss Granger.” 

“I’ll be there,” replied Hermione. “PvP is where I shine!” 

“I’ll hold you to that,” said Tom. “Good evening all.” 

With the raid ended and the guild-members scattering, Hermione removed her headphones and ported back to Dalaran to park her raiding character there. Time to log onto her auctioneer character to see how her sales were doing before heading off to bed. 

The moment she logged in again, she was already greeted in the pink. 

“BellaKedavra: hey lets go for some 2v2s  
To BellaKedavra: Now? It’s almost midnight!   
BellaKedavra: lol casual   
BellaKedavra: cmon go   
To BellaKedavra: I have work tomorrow, Bella.   
BellaKedavra: lol   
BellaKedavra: noob   
BellaKedavra: casual   
BellaKedavra: wage-cuck”

Hermione snorted for a moment before typing back. “To BellaKedavra: Yeah, well, we can’t all be a millionaire heiress with old money pouring out of every orifice.” 

“BellaKedavra: lol casual” 

Over the past month, Hermione had gotten to know Bellatrix rather well. Hermione was someone not easily convinced so it had taken the plucky Bellatrix some time to get her to try out for Death Eaters and, honestly, she was quite happy Bellatrix had been so stubborn about it. As players went, Bellatrix and Hermione were quite different: Hermione had loads of characters, one for every possible role and playstyle while Bellatrix limited all her activities to mostly a single character, the warrior she had played since vanilla… The only reason why she had other characters was because of one character couldn’t do all professions. 

Hermione once thought that her playstyle was borderline obsessive, but Bellatrix outdid her by multitudes. She was always online. Always. If she couldn’t sleep and decided to while away an hour hunting for bargains on the auction house in the middle of the night? Bella was online. Quick daily before breakfast? Bella was online. Quick arena during her lunch break at work? Bella was online. Relaxing dungeonfinder run before dinner? Bella was online. A quick game on Christmas day after dinner with her parents? Bella was online. Thankfully, also for emotional support after her mum had given her the usual scolding about ‘game addiction’. 

“BellaKedavra: quit ur job  
To BellaKedavra: Are you high? No! I live in London. I have rent to pay!  
BellaKedavra: lol london sucks donkeybollocks and only twats live there  
BellaKedavra: r u a twat?  
To BellaKedavra: No. Just realistic.  
BellaKedavra: lol  
BellaKedavra: don’t be wage-cuck. quit ur job. come live with me. plenty of room. play WoW all day long”   
  
Of course, Hermione had gotten to know Bellatrix really, really well over the past month. She was an older lady with a storied history, living alone in a big mansion with more money than god. Normally, she’d write this off as Internet flexing, but Bella never, ever lied about anything. 

She never did anything small either. Bella was gold-capped, had all achievements, all pets, a high warlord title and all mounts, even the time-lost protodrake. Bellatrix only really respected people who were good at World of Warcraft. This extended to Real Life. 

“BellaKedavra: good to have another girl here. guild is great but its a sausage fest” 

That was hard to deny. The Death Eaters were elitists of the highest order. Now, Bellatrix certainly was too and Hermione was proud to admit she was now an elitist-in-training. However, it was just nice to have another woman to talk to.

“To BellaKedavra: I thought you said you got your sister into the game too. Won’t she be joining the guild?”

There was no response for a moment. Hermione was about to type again when the pink text popped up. “BellaKedavra: …  
BellaKedavra: no  
BellaKedavra: andie suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkks  
To BelleKedavra: Really? How bad is she?  
BellaKedavra: imagine worst huntard u ever see then double it  
To BellaKedavra: That bad?  
BellaKedavra: ran her through Scarlet Monastary. huntard. no pet. no bow. i just stood there gobsmacked when she ran in with a polearm. also all her gear was red. “  
To BellaKedavra: Oh, god! This game needs better tutorials, really.”  
BellaKedavra: lol  
BellaKedavra: andie needs a better brain lol. petless melee huntard with red gear  
BellaKedavra: i should disown her lol”

Hermione frowned before starting to type. “To BellaKedavra: Don’t do that! You’ll regret it.”  
BellaKedavra: maybe lol. glad ur good at least."

Hermione chuckled before typing again. “To BellaKedavra: I know what you mean. Glad to be here, really. It’s a good guild. I think I’ll fit in nicely.” 

“BellaKedavra: speaking of fitting in nicely   
BellaKedavra: if ur not up for 2v2 how about some 1v1 before bed lol” 

Hermione immediately felt her mouth go dry while a tingling sensation shot straight down to her loins. “To BellaKedavra: Usual spot in Grizzly Hills?” 

“BellaKedavra: yup   
BellaKedavra: ur getting better at one-hand typing lol   
BellaKedavra: now get to grizzly hills bitch. waiting 4 u” 

Hermione had to admit that ERP was a new activity in WoW, but one she ultimately found both exciting and indeed very relaxing before bed. Still feeling a little light-headed from anticipation, she mounted up and flew towards Grizzly Hills, already getting comfortable in her chair. 

“BellaKedavra: bet ur knickers are already on the floor lol"

God, this woman could read her like an open book. "To BellaKedavra: No comment…” Hermione typed with one hand, right after having slipped off the garment in question. Bellatrix, in fact, knew her quite well already. 

“BellaKedavra: quit ur job   
BellaKedavra: come live with me   
BellaKedavra: play WoW all day   
BellaKedavra: i’ll do all these things to u irl   
Bellakedavra: lol”

Hermione closed her eyes. That... _did_ sound rather nice. 

“To BellaKedavra: Promises, promises. ;)   
BellaKedavra: guild meet-up in summer. Give u a taste   
BellaKedavra: taste u 2 lol” 

By now, they had met up in their log cabin at Grizzly Hills and it didn’t take long before Bella’s character emoted picking up Hermione’s character to throw her on top of a table. Hermione closed her eyes and let her imagination do its thing as well as her fingers. Her breath caught in her throat as Bellatrix described ever more delicious things in pink whispers while she fought for the concentration to give coherent replies with one hand. 

This was also ‘being good at the game’, according to Bellatrix. Bellatrix, a woman who never ever lied was someone who respected her skill and made her feel like she had never felt before. And, god, it was glorious. 

Summer was five months again and if this kept up, Hermione would absolutely jump Bellatrix the moment they’d meet in real-life.

Hermione threw her head back to let out a moan, thinking the loveliest of thoughts. Through laboured, moan-filled breaths, she could only utter one single phrase. “God, I love World of Warcraft….” 


End file.
